My mum's kitchen smelled like home before I understood what that word really meant.

Turmeric. Cumin. Chilli was so potent it made my eyes water from across the room. Of Asian descent but raised in Britain, I grew up with one foot in each world. And the bridge between them? Always food.

Today is International Hot and Spicy Food Day. Most people will post photos of their favourite curry or debate whether they can handle vindaloo. But for those of us who've lived between cultures, spicy food is more than a meal. It's memory. Identity. Sometimes, it's the only thing that still feels like belonging.

This isn't a recipe post. It's about what we carry when we move between worlds. And what happens when we don't acknowledge the losses that come with that journey.

The Weight of Flavour

Food carries what words can't hold.

When my family came to the UK, we didn't just bring suitcases. We brought recipes passed down through generations. Flavours that tasted like comfort. Spices that smelled like the place we'd left behind.

Every week, our kitchen became a small piece of where I was born. The sizzle of onions hitting hot oil. The sharp bite of green chillies. The warmth of roti straight off the tawa.

My friends at school ate fish fingers and chips. I ate biryani and pickles. For years, I felt caught between two versions of myself. The British girl who wanted to fit in. The Asian girl who didn't want to forget where she came from.

Spicy food became my anchor. The one thing that reminded me I belonged to something bigger than the small town where I lived.

But here's what I didn't understand then: I was grieving. And I didn't even know it.

The Grief We Don't Name

Most people think grief only happens when someone dies.

They're wrong.

Grief shows up in over 40 life events. Moving countries. Leaving behind family. Growing up between cultures where you're never quite "enough" of either. That's grief too.

I grieved the grandparents I barely knew. The friends I left behind. The language I never fully mastered. The version of myself I might have been if we'd stayed. And I carried it all without words. Because no one told me this was loss.

Instead, I stayed busy. I worked hard. I built a life that looked successful from the outside. But inside? I felt disconnected. Tired. Like something was always missing, even when everything looked fine.

Sound familiar?

You might be carrying unresolved grief and not even realise it. It shows up as:

• Constant exhaustion despite appearing to have it all together

• Feeling disconnected from yourself or others

• Struggling to find joy in things that used to matter

• A sense that something's always slightly "off"

If you're nodding, you're not alone. And you're not broken.

Not sure if unresolved grief is affecting you? Take the free Grief Assessment Quiz. It takes 8 minutes and gives you immediate clarity on what you're really carrying.

Spice as Ritual, Food as Healing

We never called it handling grief. We called it dinner.

But looking back, I see what we were doing. Creating ritual. Honouring what we'd left behind. Keeping our story alive through flavour.

Every dish was an act of remembering. Every meal, a way to stay connected to something we could no longer touch.

Food became our language when English didn't have the words. It became our bridge when we felt caught between worlds.

And maybe that's why International Hot and Spicy Food Day matters more than people realise. Because for so many of us, spicy food isn't just about heat. It's about roots. Memory. The parts of ourselves that complete who we are.

Here's what I've learned supporting professionals through grief and wellbeing challenges:

We underestimate the power of ritual. Small, consistent acts of remembering help us process loss. Cooking a family recipe. Lighting a candle. Taking five minutes to sit with what we've carried. These aren't just nice ideas. They're tools for emotional survival.

We mistake "moving on" for healing. You don't have to forget where you came from to build a life here. You don't have to choose between identities. Healing means integrating both. Holding the complexity without shame.

We need permission to grieve what others don't see as loss. If you've moved countries, left relationships, changed careers, or watched your parents age from a distance, you've experienced loss. You don't need a death certificate to validate your pain.

What This Day Really Celebrates

International Hot and Spicy Food Day celebrates flavour. But for me, it's always been about so much more.

It's about the courage it takes to carry your story forward. To honour where you've been whilst building where you're going. To admit that success doesn't erase the weight you carry.

Today, I'll cook something that reminds me of my beginnings. Something with enough chilli to make my eyes water. Something that tastes like the home I've built between two worlds.

And I'll remember that grief and gratitude can exist in the same breath. That you can love your life and still miss what you've lost. That being "fine" and being exhausted aren't contradictions.

If you're reading this and feeling seen, I want you to know something. You're not imagining it. The weight is real. The grief is real. And you don't have to carry it alone.

What to Do Next

If this resonated, here's where to start:

1. Take the Grief Assessment Quiz

Understand how unresolved grief might be affecting your energy, relationships, and wellbeing. Free, 8 minutes, immediate results.

2. Download the free guide: "5 Things Never to Say to Someone Grieving (Plus What Actually Helps)"

Even if you're not actively grieving, this guide helps you support others and understand your own emotional patterns better.

3. Check your Hidden Wellbeing Gaps

Feeling drained despite doing everything "right"? This quiz reveals exactly where your energy is leaking. 8 minutes, instant clarity.

4. Book a free clarity call

If you're a caring professional who looks fine on the outside but feels heavy on the inside, let's talk. You don't need to spend years in therapy. You just need the right tools.

Useful Resources:

Hidden Wellbeing Gaps Quiz - Identify what's draining your energy

Grief Assessment Quiz - Understand your relationship with loss

How to Support Someone Through Grief and Loss - Helpful and practical guide for caring professionals

handling-grief.com - Blog posts, resources, and support

Today, cook something that reminds you of home. Whatever that means for you. And if you need support processing what you've carried, I'm here.

You don't have to do this alone.