I remember a conversation with a headteacher who told me something that stopped me in my tracks.

"I can deliver a brilliant lesson on emotional regulation to 30 teenagers. But when I get home, I sit in my car for 20 minutes because I can't face my own emotions."

She wasn't alone. Educators spend their days nurturing minds, shaping futures, building resilience in young people. Yet they're often the last to tend to their own wellbeing. International Education Day reminds us to celebrate learning. But it should also prompt us to ask: who's looking after those who teach?

This post isn't about classroom strategies or curriculum design. It's about the hidden weight educators carry. The unresolved grief from losing students, colleagues, or parents. The cumulative losses from redundancies, department closures, or career changes. The exhaustion that no half-term break can fix.

If you work in education and you're reading this whilst feeling proud of your work and also utterly depleted, this is for you.

The Grief No One Talks About in Education

Grief doesn't just show up when someone dies. It appears after every significant change or loss. For educators, that might look like:

• A favourite student moves away or graduates

• A trusted colleague leaves the school

• Budget cuts force redundancies or restructuring

• A promotion doesn't happen despite years of dedication

• Retirement looms and identity feels uncertain

• The job you loved becomes unrecognisable due to policy changes and ever increasing paperwork and admin

These aren't dramatic, headline-worthy losses. But they're real. They accumulate. They drain your energy, focus, and joy.

My client described struggling with her sister's death whilst maintaining her professional responsibilities. She said:

"For three days, I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I don't even think I drank water. That's how badly it affected me when my sister died. It really broke me, and I honestly didn't know what to do."

She didn't realise there were more effective processes for dealing with grief than traditional counselling. Many educators don't either. They assume they just need to "push through", "stay strong" or spend years in pain or traditional therapy.

But unresolved grief doesn't just disappear. It shows up as irritability, difficulty concentrating, or feeling emotionally flat even during moments that used to bring satisfaction.

Why Educators Are Particularly Vulnerable

You're trained to support others. To notice when a child is struggling. To create safe spaces for difficult conversations. To model resilience and emotional intelligence.

But you're rarely taught how to process your own losses. Or how to recognise when the "tiredness" you feel is actually unresolved grief affecting your wellbeing.

Here's what makes the problem worse:

The culture of "being fine." Schools reward resilience. Showing up despite personal struggles is praised as dedication. But it often means stuffing emotions down until they leak out as burnout, resentment, or physical illness.

Boundary challenges. Caring professionals (and educators absolutely are) often struggle with boundaries. You give everything to your students. Then you go home and give everything to your family. If you're not careful, there's nothing left for you.

Cumulative loss. You experience multiple losses every academic year. Students leave. Colleagues retire. Programmes end. Each one might seem manageable alone. Together, they create emotional weight you carry everywhere.

Need to check how well you're really doing? The free Hidden Wellbeing Gaps Quiz reveals exactly where your energy is leaking. It takes 8-10 minutes. Most educators are surprised by what they discover.

What Unresolved Grief Actually Looks Like

You might not call it grief. You might call it stress, exhaustion, or just "a bad patch." But if you're experiencing several of these patterns, unresolved grief could be the root cause:

• Decision fatigue: Simple choices feel overwhelming

• Emotional numbness: You don't cry, but you don't laugh much either

• Perfectionism intensifies: You compensate by controlling everything you can

• Withdrawing: Staff room conversations feel draining, so you skip them

• Physical symptoms: Headaches, digestive issues, constant colds

• Resentment: You feel bitter about your workload or being unappreciated

• Loss of purpose: You wonder why you even chose this career

Sound familiar? You're not broken. You're human. And you're carrying more than you realise.

Three Practical Steps You Can Take Today

1. Name what you've lost

Sit down with paper and pen. Write a list of everything significant that's changed in the past three years. Don't filter. Include:

• Relationships that ended or shifted

• Career disappointments or changes

• Health diagnoses (yours or loved ones)

• Deaths (people or pets)

• Major transitions (retirement, empty nest, relocation)

• Financial challenges

Most people underestimate how much they've been through. Seeing it written down validates why you feel the way you do.

2. Stop collecting unprocessed emotions

You don't need to "deal with" everything right now. But you do need to stop adding to the pile. Start by creating one daily practice that helps you process rather than suppress:

• Five minutes of journaling before bed

• A weekly phone call with someone who truly listens

• Permission to say "I'm not okay today" without needing to fix it immediately

3. Get your baseline

You can't improve what you don't measure. Take the Grief Assessment Quiz to understand exactly how past losses might be affecting you right now. It's 10 minutes. Completely free. You'll get immediate results plus a personalised report sent to your inbox.

Most educators score higher than they expect. That's not a bad thing. It's information that helps you make better decisions about the support you need.

What Happens When You Actually Address It

I'm not going to promise miracles. Grief work isn't quick or easy. But it is transformative.

When you identify and process unresolved grief effectively, you:

• Make decisions more easily

• Feel emotions without being overwhelmed by them

• Set boundaries without guilt

• Show up fully present (not just physically present)

• Reconnect with why you chose education in the first place

You don't forget what happened. You don't pretend the losses didn't matter. You simply stop carrying them as heavy, unprocessed emotional weight.

Vanessa Frater Robertson, a confidence coach who was struggling with her energy and vitality due to unresolved grief, described her transformation:

"Now, I feel more energised. I actually look forward to each day. I feel excited again about spending time with my family and friends, and about implementing my business strategy. I don't have that constant cloud of depression or grief hanging over me anymore."

That's what's possible when you stop trying to outrun grief and actually face it with the right support.

What to Do Next

International Education Day celebrates the power of learning. You dedicate your life to that mission. But you can't pour from an empty cup. And you can't teach emotional intelligence whilst ignoring your own emotional health.

If you recognise yourself in this post:

Start here: Take the Hidden Wellbeing Gaps Quiz or Grief Assessment Quiz. Both are free, take under 10 minutes, and give you clarity on exactly what needs attention.

Need to talk? Book a 15-minute free clarity call. We'll explore what's really going on beneath the surface and whether the Handling Grief Programme could help you move forward without spending years in therapy.

Not ready for that? Download the free guide: 5 Things Never to Say to Someone Grieving (Plus What Actually Helps). Even if you're not ready to address your own grief, this gives you practical tools to support colleagues and students more effectively.

You became an educator to make a difference. You still can. But first, you need to stop neglecting the person doing all that important work.

You.