The 5 Biggest Mistakes People Make
When Supporting Someone Grieving
Know exactly what to say. Know what never to say.
Read this in 10 minutes. Use it today.
"When my mum died, I so wished the people around me had this guide.
Not because they did not care. They just did not know what to do with that care."
Ghulam Fernandes, Grief Specialist
SUPPORTING SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?
This guide will help you today. Read it in 10 minutes and reach out with confidence.
NOT IN THAT SITUATION YET?
Save it. You will need it. We all do at some point.
A FOUNDER OR LEADER CARRYING THIS YOURSELF?
This guide may be the beginning of a different conversation.
There is a path for you here too.
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Why I created this guide
I am a Grief Specialist. I have supported many people through loss, both personally and professionally. And I still remember the helplessness of not knowing what to say or do when someone I loved was hurting.
I created this guide because I am one person. The number of people I can support directly is limited. But you, equipped with the right knowledge, can reach a grieving person I will never meet. You can save them years of unnecessary pain. You can help them avoid getting stuck.
You do not need to be perfect. You just need to care, and have a few practical tools. This guide gives you both.
Ghulam Fernandes. Grief Specialist. handling-grief.com
What you will know in 10 minutes
Practical, immediate, and grounded in real experience.
❌ The 5 biggest mistakes
What most people do without realising it, and why it leaves the griever feeling more alone.
✔️ What to do instead
Practical, human alternatives for every mistake. Simple enough to use today.
💬 Exactly what to say
A quick-reference phrase guide for every situation, from first hearing the news to months later.
📅 A simple support timeline
How to show up over weeks and months, not just the first few days.
🚨 When to suggest professional help
The signs to watch for, and how to raise it with care. Early help saves years.
💕 The one question that changes everything
A single phrase that puts the grieving person back in control.
THE ONE QUESTION THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING
"What would be most helpful right now?"
This simple question puts them in control at the moment when everything feels chaotic. It stops you guessing. It shows you are really listening. You will find it in the guide, along with phrases for every situation.
What people say
"Ghulam taught me how to manage my emotions, pain, and sadness. I learned to deal with much more than just the loss of my husband. Her professional, caring, and considerate approach made all the difference."
Pascale, Retired Teacher
"The tools and processes I learned were a game-changer. They helped me visualise my emotions and significantly improved my focus and decision-making. This programme made a real difference in both my personal healing and professional performance."
Ravi, Cybersecurity Architect
"Working with Ghulam was profound. I learned to manage my emotions more effectively and gained lifelong tools for handling grief. She taught me to create moments of joy and prioritise self-care, empowering me to give more to my clients and mentees."
Natalie, Business Strategist and Performance Mentor
Common questions
Answered plainly, because grief is already complicated enough.
Do I need any training or experience to use this guide?
No. You do not need to be a trained counsellor or therapist. You need to care, and want to do better than you would have done without it. The guide gives you practical, plain-English tools that work in real conversations.
What if the person does not want to talk?
That is completely normal. The guide covers this. Showing up is not the same as making someone talk. Sometimes the most helpful thing is simply being present, and this guide tells you exactly how to do that without pressure.
Will this help even if the person is not bereaved?
Yes. Grief is not only about bereavement. There are over 40 life events that trigger grief, including divorce, job loss, illness, miscarriage, and retirement. The principles in this guide apply to all of them.
What if I have already said the wrong thing?
It is not too late. The guide includes phrases for reconnecting after a period of absence or awkwardness. What matters most is that you show up, even imperfectly.
How long does supporting someone through grief take?
There is no fixed timeline. Most support disappears after the first few weeks, which is exactly when many grieving people need it most. The guide includes a simple timeline so you know how to stay present over months, not just days.
What if someone is in crisis right now?
Please do not wait. If someone is in immediate danger or has mentioned not wanting to be here anymore, contact the relevant services now. Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24 hours). Crisis text line: text SHOUT to 85258. Emergency services: 999. The guide includes red flags to watch for and guidance on when and how to suggest professional help.
Ready to help someone you care about?
Download the free guide now. Read it in 10 minutes. You will know exactly what to say, and what never to say, the next time someone you care about is grieving.
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Are you the one who is struggling?
Supporting someone through grief can bring your own losses to the surface. If you are carrying more than you have let yourself admit, you are not alone.
This is particularly common for founders, leaders, and business owners, who are often the last to admit they are struggling. Unresolved grief affects your clarity, your relationships, and your performance, often in ways you cannot quite name. You do not have to keep pushing through it.
The free Grief Assessment Quiz is a good place to start. It takes 10 minutes and gives you a personalised picture of what you are carrying, and what might help.
About Ghulam
Ghulam Fernandes is a Grief Specialist and founder of handling-grief.com. Drawing on personal experience of loss across many decades, and four years of professional practice, she works with founders, leaders, and business owners whose performance is affected by unresolved grief.
Her one-to-one Handling Grief Programme supports people who are ready to stop carrying their grief quietly and start moving forward with clarity and purpose.
This free guide exists because Ghulam believes that one knowledgeable, caring person in someone's life can change the entire experience of grief. You do not need to be a specialist. You just need this guide.
© 2026 Ghulam Fernandes. Grief Specialist. handling-grief.com