FREE GUIDE · Read in 10 minutes · No spam, ever
You want to help.
You just do not know
what to say.
Grief. Loss. Disappointment.
When someone you care about is going through one of these, this free guide gives you the exact words, for every situation, from your first message to a year later.
Created by Grief Specialist Ghulam Fernandes. Built from four years of specialist grief work covering more than bereavement alone, this guide gives you the words for your specific situation, not just the obvious one.
"Ghulam taught me how to manage my emotions, pain, and sadness. I learned to deal with much more than just the loss of my husband. Her professional, caring, and considerate approach made all the difference."
Pascale, Retired Teacher
WHO THIS GUIDE IS FOR
Someone you care about is grieving.
This tells you how to help.
Grief is not only about death. It is divorce, redundancy, a diagnosis, a miscarriage, an estrangement, a friendship that faded, or the quiet disappointment of a life that did not turn out as planned. Well-meaning support can do real harm. Unresolved grief does not fade with time. It is cumulative. This guide helps you show up in a way that genuinely helps, not one that gets someone stuck.
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A friend or family member?
Someone you care about is going through something painful and you want to be there for them properly. This guide gives you the words and the plan.
You have probably typed something, then deleted it, more than once. You are not avoiding them because you do not care. You are avoiding them because you are scared of getting it wrong.
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A manager or leader?
Grief in the workplace is more common than most people realise. This guide tells you exactly what to say, what to do, and what never to do.
You do not want to overstep, but you also do not want to say nothing and have it look like you do not care. That balance is exactly what this section walks you through.
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Carrying something yourself?
Sometimes the person who downloads a supporter guide is quietly grieving too. If that is you, this guide may be the beginning of a different conversation.
If you have been the one everyone leans on, and nobody has asked how you are, this page is for you too.
Someone is grieving right now. The sooner you read this, the sooner you can help.
Every day without this, someone who means well says something that gets a grieving person stuck.
Send me the free guide
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A NOTE FROM GHULAM
Why I created this guide
When my mum died, a well-meaning neighbour said something to me that I believed for years. “You mustn’t cry. You’ve got to be strong for your brothers and sisters.”
She said it once. I believed it. And I spent years trying not to cry and trying to be strong. Other people said “just give it time.” They meant well. But they had not understood something important: unresolved grief does not just go away with time. It is cumulative. It finds other ways to show itself. In how we sleep, in how we connect with the people we love, in the low-level sadness we cannot quite name.
Nobody around those neighbours knew that. They were doing their best with what they had. But their best was not enough. And I got stuck.
I wrote this guide because I dream of a world where everyone is equipped, at the very least, to do no harm. Where the people who show up for someone who is grieving know what actually helps, and what does not.
Years later, when a friend’s mother died, I found myself frozen in exactly the same way the people around me had been frozen. I sent one text and then stayed away for weeks. Even having lived through grief myself, I did not have the tools. That is how I know this guide is necessary.
Grief is not just about death. There are over 40 life events that can trigger it. Whatever your person is going through, this guide is for you. And the person you support deserves better than I had.
Ghulam Fernandes. Grief Specialist. handling-grief.com
WHAT IS INSIDE
Everything you need to show up well
Grief is not only about death. It is divorce, redundancy, a diagnosis, a miscarriage, an estrangement, a friendship that faded, or the quiet disappointment of a life that did not turn out as planned. Well-meaning support can do real harm. Unresolved grief does not fade with time. It is cumulative. This guide helps you show up in a way that genuinely helps, not one that gets someone stuck.
💡
The five most common mistakes
What they look like, why they do not help, and exactly what to say and do instead.
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Exactly what to say
Grief in the workplace is more common than most people realise. This guide tells you exactly what to say, what to do, and what never to do.
📅
A simple support timeline
How to follow up over weeks and months, not just the first few days, with specific check-in suggestions.
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Guidance for managers and leaders
What to say when a team member is grieving. How to handle the return to work. What not to do.
⚠️
When to suggest professional help
The signs to watch for and how to raise it with care. UK crisis numbers always to hand.
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The one question that changes everything
A single phrase that puts the grieving person in control and stops you guessing what they need.
A LOOK INSIDE
Here is what you will find
Five Mistakes, Broken Down
The One Question
A Support Timeline
What each mistake looks like, why it does not help, and exactly what to say
instead. Real phrases for real moments.
A single phrase that puts the grieving person back in control, instead of you
guessing what they need.
How to show up in the first weeks, and why the months after matter more than
people expect.
Five Mistakes, Broken Down
What each mistake looks like, why it does not help, and exactly what to say
instead. Real phrases for real moments.
The One Question
A single phrase that puts the grieving person back in control, instead of you
guessing what they need.
A Support Timeline
How to show up in the first weeks, and why the months after matter more than
people expect.
THE ONE QUESTION THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING
“Is there anything specific that would help right now?”
This single question puts them in control. It stops you guessing what they need. It works in every situation. You will find it in the guide, along with phrases for every stage of the journey.
WHAT PEOPLE SAY
Real words from real people
“Ghulam taught me how to manage my emotions, pain, and sadness. I learned to deal with much more than just the loss of my husband. Her professional, compassionate approach made all the difference.”
Pascale, Teacher
“The tools and processes I learned were a game-changer. They helped me understand my emotions and significantly improved my focus and decision-making. This work made a real difference in both my personal healing and professional performance.”
Ravi, Freelance Cybersecurity Consultant
“Working with Ghulam was profound. I learned to manage my emotions more effectively and gained lifelong tools for handling grief. She taught me to create boundaries and prioritise self-care, empowering me to give more to my clients and myself.”
Natalie, Business Growth Strategist
COMMON QUESTIONS
Answered plainly
Because grief is already complicated enough.
Do I need any experience or training to use this guide?
No. You do not need to be a counsellor, therapist, or grief specialist. You just need to care about someone who is grieving and want to show up well. The guide gives you specific words and actions, not theory.
What if the person does not want to talk?
That is completely normal. The guide covers this. Showing up is not the same as making someone talk. Sometimes the most helpful thing is simply being present, and this guide tells you exactly how to do that without pressure.
Is this only about bereavement? What if their loss is not a death?
Not at all. Grief is not just about death. There are over 40 life events that can trigger grief, including divorce, job loss, illness, miscarriage, empty nest, estrangement, and the quiet disappointment of a life that did not turn out as planned. These losses are real, even when other people do not recognise them as grief. This guide covers all of them.
What if I have already said the wrong thing?
The guide covers this too. It is never too late. There is a specific section on what to do if you have already made a mistake, and how to repair it simply and honestly.
How long does supporting someone through grief take?
Grief does not resolve on its own with time. What makes the difference is what happens during that time. Unresolved grief does not simply fade. It can stay with someone for years, affecting their relationships, their work, and their sense of themselves, often in ways they cannot quite name. The guide includes a simple support timeline that takes you from the first 48 hours through to a year later, so you always know what to do next.
What if someone is in crisis right now?
Please do not wait for the guide. If someone is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E. Samaritans are available free, 24 hours a day on 116 123. Crisis Text Line: text SHOUT to 85258. NHS Support: 111. The guide includes a full list of UK crisis numbers.
Can I share this guide with others?
Please do. Share this page with anyone you think it would help. The guide is free. The more people who have it, the more people who can show up well for someone who is hurting.
READY TO HELP?
The next time someone you care about is hurting, you will know what to do.
Download the free guide now. Read it in ten minutes. Keep it somewhere you can find it when you need it.
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FOR YOU, NOT JUST FOR THEM
Are you the one who is hurting?
Sometimes the person who downloads a supporter guide is carrying their own grief quietly. Supporting someone through their loss has surfaced something of your own. That is more common than you might think.
This is particularly true for founders, leaders, and business owners who are used to holding things together. Unresolved grief affects your relationships, your performance, and your sense of self, often in ways you cannot quite name.
If that resonates, the free Grief Assessment Quiz is a good place to start. It takes ten minutes and gives you a personalised picture of what you might be carrying.
ABOUT GHULAM
Ghulam Fernandes
Ghulam Fernandes is a Grief Specialist and founder of Handling Grief. Drawing on personal experience of multiple losses and four years of professional practice, she works with purpose driven founders, professionals, and leaders whose performance has been affected by unresolved grief.
She works online, one-to-one and in group programmes and workshops. She is also passionate about equipping supporters. Friends, family members, colleagues, and managers who want to show up well for someone they care about, without making it worse.
If you are ready to go further than this guide, visit handling-grief.com to take the free Hidden Wellbeing Gaps Quiz, or book a complimentary discovery call to find out whether working together might help.
Ghulam Fernandes. Grief Specialist. handling-grief.com
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© 2026 Handling Grief · Ghulam Fernandes. Grief Specialist. · handling-grief.com
UK Crisis Numbers: Samaritans 116 123 (free, 24hrs) · Crisis Text Line: text SHOUT to 85258 · NHS: 111 · Emergency: 999