FREE GUIDE · No spam, ever · Delivered instantly
WHO THIS GUIDE IS FOR
You want to help.
You just do not know what to say.
Someone you care about is grieving and you are worried about saying the wrong thing. This free guide gives you simple, practical ways to know what to say, what to do, and how to be there.
How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving · Free 14-page guide. Read it in one sitting. Keep it for when you need it.
GET YOUR FREE GUIDE
Learn what to say, what to avoid and how to offer support with greater confidence.
Created for friends, family members, colleagues, managers and leaders who want to support someone well.
We will email you the guide and occasional practical grief-support resources. Unsubscribe at any time. We will never sell your details. Read our Privacy Policy.
Created by Grief Specialist Ghulam Fernandes
WHO THIS GUIDE IS FOR
You want to help.
You just do not know what to say.
Someone you care about is grieving and you are worried about saying the wrong thing. This free guide gives you simple, practical ways to know what to say, what to do, and how to be there.
How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving · Free 14-page guide. Read it in one sitting. Keep it for when you need it.
GET YOUR FREE GUIDE
Learn what to say, what to avoid and how to offer support with greater confidence.
Created for friends, family members, colleagues, managers and leaders who want to support someone well.
We will email you the guide and occasional practical grief-support resources. Unsubscribe at any time. We will never sell your details. Read our Privacy Policy.
Created by Grief Specialist Ghulam Fernandes
WHO THIS GUIDE IS FOR
You want to help.
You just do not know what to say.
Someone you care about is grieving and you are worried about saying the wrong thing. This free guide gives you simple, practical ways to know what to say, what to do, and how to be there.
How to Support Someone Who Is Grieving · Free 14-page guide. Read it in one sitting. Keep it for when you need it.
GET YOUR FREE GUIDE
Learn what to say, what to avoid and how to offer support with greater confidence.
Created for friends, family members, colleagues, managers and leaders who want to support someone well.
We will email you the guide and occasional practical grief-support resources. Unsubscribe at any time. We will never sell your details. Read our Privacy Policy.
Created by Grief Specialist Ghulam Fernandes
Inside the free guide, you'll discover
01
The 5 mistakes well-meaning people make
And exactly what to do instead.
02
What to say when you don't know what to say
Simple examples you can use or adapt when the words won't come.
03
A simple question that helps you stop guessing
It puts the choice back in their hands and helps you understand what they need right now.
04
When they may need more support
What to notice, and where to point them for additional help.
This is for you if…
Someone you care about is grieving and you're not sure how to help.
Maybe they have lost someone. Maybe they're dealing with divorce, illness, miscarriage, redundancy, retirement, or another significant loss.
You want to be there. You just don't want to say or do something that makes an already difficult situation harder.
That's exactly why I created this guide.
Supporting someone at work? The principles apply there too, and you'll find details inside about my dedicated workplace resource that's in development.
Free. Delivered instantly. No spam, ever.
WHY I CREATED THIS
When my mum died, a well-meaning neighbour told me:
“You mustn't cry. You've got to be strong for your brothers and sisters.”
She meant well. I believed her, and I stayed stuck for years.
She wasn't careless. She simply hadn't been taught what was helpful and what wasn't. Almost nobody has.
That experience is part of why I became a Grief Specialist, and why I created this guide. I want to help you be there for someone you care about without having to guess what might help.
WHY I CREATED THIS
When my mum died, a well-meaning neighbour told me:
“You mustn't cry. You've got to be strong for your brothers and sisters.”
She meant well. I believed her, and I stayed stuck for years.
She wasn't careless. She simply hadn't been taught what was helpful and what wasn't. Almost nobody has.
That experience is part of why I became a Grief Specialist, and why I created this guide. I want to help you be there for someone you care about without having to guess what might help.
A peek inside
MISTAKE 1
What this looks like, why it doesn't help, and exactly what to say instead.
“I'm popping to the shops. Can I get you something?”
THE ONE QUESTION
“What would be most helpful right now?”
It hands the choice back to the person grieving, instead of guessing on their behalf.
FIVE THINGS TO REMEMBER
Keep showing up after everyone else has moved on.
Do not offer advice unless asked.
Say their name. Do not avoid the subject.
Ghulam has been a guest on
Listen to Ghulam’s conversation about Handling Grief
Common questions
Is this only for bereavement?
No. It also covers the principles of supporting someone dealing with other forms of grief and loss, divorce, illness, redundancy, and more.
Do I need any experience or training?
No. It's written for ordinary people who care about someone and want to support them well.
What if they don't want to talk?
That's okay. Supporting someone doesn't mean forcing them to talk. The guide shows you other ways to be there.
What if I'm worried they're in immediate danger?
Please do not wait for the guide. If they say they want to harm themselves or end their life, or have taken steps towards suicide, call 999 or go to A&E immediately. Samaritans are available free, 24 hours a day, on 116 123. Text SHOUT to 85258 for the crisis text service. For advice that isn't an emergency, call NHS 111.
Meet Ghulam Fernandes
Grief Specialist, trainer and founder of Handling Grief
Ghulam Fernandes understands how difficult it can be to know what to say when someone is grieving.
After her mother died when she was 13, a well-meaning person told her not to cry and to be strong. Although intended to help, those words contributed to Ghulam hiding her feelings and carrying unresolved pain for many years.
Her later experiences of multiple losses, combined with specialist training in grief education and resolution, shaped her commitment to helping people understand grief and respond with greater care.
Today, Ghulam helps people resolve what feels emotionally unfinished following loss so they can reconnect with their lives and move forward with hope. She also equips friends, relatives, colleagues and leaders to offer meaningful support without having to guess what might help.
Her approach combines professional knowledge, practical tools and the understanding that comes from lived experience.
Meet Ghulam Fernandes
Grief Specialist, trainer and founder of Handling Grief
Ghulam Fernandes understands how difficult it can be to know what to say when someone is grieving.
After her mother died when she was 13, a well-meaning person told her not to cry and to be strong. Although intended to help, those words contributed to Ghulam hiding her feelings and carrying unresolved pain for many years.
Her later experiences of multiple losses, combined with specialist training in grief education and resolution, shaped her commitment to helping people understand grief and respond with greater care.
Today, Ghulam helps people resolve what feels emotionally unfinished following loss so they can reconnect with their lives and move forward with hope. She also equips friends, relatives, colleagues and leaders to offer meaningful support without having to guess what might help.
Her approach combines professional knowledge, practical tools and the understanding that comes from lived experience.
You are already doing the right thing by being here.
Get the guide. Show up for them.
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Know someone who needs this? Share this page with them. It is free.
A LOOK INSIDE
Here is what you will find
Five Mistakes, Broken Down
The One Question
A Support Timeline
What each mistake looks like, why it does not help, and exactly what to say
instead. Real phrases for real moments.
A single phrase that puts the grieving person back in control, instead of you
guessing what they need.
How to show up in the first weeks, and why the months after matter more than
people expect.
Get the free guide, delivered instantly. No spam, ever.
Five Mistakes, Broken Down
What each mistake looks like, why it does not help, and exactly what to say
instead. Real phrases for real moments.
The One Question
A single phrase that puts the grieving person back in control, instead of you
guessing what they need.
A Support Timeline
How to show up in the first weeks, and why the months after matter more than
people expect.
THE ONE QUESTION THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING
What would be most helpful right now?
This single question puts them in control. It stops you guessing what they need. It works in every situation. You will find it in the guide, along with phrases for every stage of the journey.
READY TO HELP?
The next time someone you care about is hurting, you will know what to do.
Download the free guide now. Read it in ten minutes. Keep it somewhere you can find it when you need it.
Free. Delivered instantly. No spam, ever.
WHAT PEOPLE SAY
Real words from real people
“Ghulam taught me how to manage my emotions, pain, and sadness. I learned to deal with much more than just the loss of my husband. Her professional, caring, and considerate approach made all the difference.”
Pascale, Teacher
“The tools and processes I learned were a game-changer. They helped me understand my emotions and significantly improved my focus and decision-making. This work made a real difference in both my personal healing and professional performance.”
Ravi, Freelance Cybersecurity Consultant
“Working with Ghulam was profound. I learned to manage my emotions more effectively and gained lifelong tools for handling grief. She taught me to create boundaries and prioritise self-care, empowering me to give more to my clients and myself.”
Natalie, Business Growth Strategist
FOR YOU, NOT JUST FOR THEM
Are you the one who is hurting?
Sometimes the person who downloads a supporter guide is carrying their own grief quietly. Supporting someone who is dealing with grief has surfaced something of your own. That is more common than you might think.
This is particularly true for founders, leaders, and business owners who are used to holding things together. Unresolved grief affects your relationships, your performance, and your sense of self, often in ways you cannot quite name.
If that resonates, the free Grief Assessment Quiz is a good place to start. It takes ten minutes and gives you a personalised picture of what you might be carrying.
© 2026 Handling Grief · Ghulam Fernandes. Grief Specialist. handling-grief.com.
UK Crisis Numbers: Samaritans 116 123 (free, 24hrs) · SHOUT Crisis Text Support: text SHOUT to 85258 · NHS: 111 · Emergency: 999
For urgent mental health support that is not an immediate emergency, call NHS 111 and select the mental health option.