When I arrived in the UK in 1962 at five years old, I moved away from everything familiar. My childhood friends. My roots. My sense of belonging.

The racist taunts telling me to 'go back home' cut deep. For years, I carried that pain silently. I felt less worthy because of my differences.

But through that pain, I discovered something profound. Resilience isn't about avoiding pain. It's about what you do with it.

As we celebrate Black History Month in the UK, the stories of Black Britons offer valuable lessons for anyone navigating loss and adversity. These aren't just historical accounts. They're roadmaps for transforming pain into purpose.

Why Black History Month matters for your grief journey

Grief extends far beyond bereavement. There are over 40 life events that trigger grief responses:

• Feeling excluded or discriminated against

• Job loss or redundancy

• Divorce or relationship breakdown

• Chronic illness diagnosis

• Financial hardship

• Major life transitions

For Black individuals and communities in the UK, these experiences are often compounded by the legacy of colonialism, racism, and systemic inequality.

Yet Black British history reveals something remarkable. Despite facing enormous challenges, generation after generation has demonstrated extraordinary resilience, creativity, and faith.

Stories that show the way forward

Mary Seacole faced rejection from the British military establishment. As a Jamaican-born nurse during the Crimean War, she experienced discrimination at every turn. But she didn't let that stop her from caring for wounded soldiers and making her unique contribution.

Claudia Jones, a Trinidad-born journalist and activist, founded the West Indian Gazette. She helped establish the Notting Hill Carnival as a celebration of Caribbean culture and resistance. Her work transformed grief into community action.

The Windrush Generation rebuilt Britain after World War II. They faced hostility and discrimination. Yet they created communities, businesses, and cultural movements that enriched British society forever.

These stories teach us something vital. Grief, while painful, can become a catalyst for growth, creativity, and meaningful change.

From personal loss to personal power

My own journey mirrors these themes.

When I left everything familiar behind at five, I didn't have the knowledge or tools to recognise and process that loss. Nobody teaches you how to handle grief as a child. The pain of uprooting, combined with racism in my new home, created layers of unresolved grief I carried for years.

I struggled with feelings of not belonging. Of being less than. These conflicted emotions affected everything: My confidence. My relationships. My sense of purpose.

For years, I pushed those feelings down. I tried to appear strong on the outside while feeling uncertain inside.

It wasn't until I learned the knowledge, tools and processes needed to identify and deal with unresolved grief that everything shifted. I realised I couldn't control what happened to me, but I could choose what to focus on and how to respond. Fear vs faith. Blame thinking vs outcome focus.

I began to see my uniqueness as an asset rather than a liability. My experiences, perspective, and cultural heritage weren't things to hide. They were treasures to celebrate and share.

The world needs your voice, your stories, and your contributions, precisely because they are different.

Feel like something's been draining your energy? Take the free Hidden Wellbeing Gaps Quiz to discover what's affecting your emotional wellbeing.

Practical tools for building resilience

Here's what actually helps when you're navigating grief and adversity of any kind:

Focus on outcomes, not blame

When faced with setbacks, it's easy to get caught in anger and resentment. Dwelling on understanding what happened and who's to blame rarely creates positive change.

Instead, ask yourself: "What's within my control now? What do I want to achieve in this situation? What steps can I take to move forward? What support do I need? Where can I get it?"

I, now, channel my energies to find solutions and create the life I want, rather than getting stuck in the past.

Become aware of your triggers

Grief and trauma leave us reactive. Small things can set off strong emotional responses.

Reflect on situations, people, or experiences that trigger you. What thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations come up for you when you think of that situation?

Awareness is the first step toward managing triggers in healthy ways.

Create a self-care toolkit

When you're in the midst of struggle, it's hard to think clearly. That's why you need to prepare a self-care toolkit before you need it.

Your toolkit might include:

• Breathing exercises

• Quiet reflection or journaling prompts

• Inspirational scriptures or quotes

• List of trusted people to call for support

• Activities that ground you

Have these tools readily available. Access them quickly when you need them most.

Some of my clients create, what they call, their happy bag and include in it favourite scents and beautiful things that would make them smile and change their state when they hold them, look at them, listen to them, smell them, or taste them.

Seek community and support

Connection is the antidote to isolation and despair.

Whether it's being intentional about creating your support network, reaching out to friends and loved ones you trust, joining a grief support group, or connecting with a therapist, having a network of care makes all the difference.

You don't have to navigate this alone. There are people and resources available to help you through even the darkest times.

Embrace the power of storytelling

Don't underestimate the power of your own story.

Sharing your experiences of loss, resilience, and hope connects you with others. It inspires change. It helps you find meaning in your own journey.

Whether through writing, art, music, or simply sharing with a trusted friend, telling your story is an act of healing. Not just for yourself, but for everyone who hears it.

The work that still needs doing

Celebrating Black resilience doesn't mean ignoring ongoing challenges.

Black History Month has been criticised for promoting a limited view of Black British experiences. As we highlight progress, we must acknowledge the work still needed to address systemic racism and inequality.

Part of this work involves recognising the diversity of Black British experiences. The many forms that grief and resilience take.

It means creating space for honest conversations about loss, trauma, and healing. Empowering individuals and communities to find their own paths forward.

Your story matters

To everyone struggling with grief, feelings of not belonging, or the weight of injustice: You are not alone.

Your experiences are valid. Your pain is real. Your story matters.

You have a unique and valuable contribution to make. Embrace the power of your own resilience.

The tools that helped generations of Black Britons navigate adversity can help you tap into your inner strength and wisdom. You can build a future of greater compassion, justice, and possibility.

What to do next

Healing is possible. Whether you're facing bereavement, a major life transition, or any of the 40+ life events that trigger grief, you can emerge with renewed strength and purpose.

Start here:

1. Take the Grief Assessment Quiz to understand how past losses might be affecting you today. Get immediate insights plus a personalised report.

2. Download the free guide: "5 Things Never to Say to Someone Grieving (Plus What Actually Helps)" if you're supporting someone through loss.

3. Book a free 15-minute clarity call to explore how the Handling Grief Programme could help you process unresolved grief and move forward with confidence.

By tapping into your resilience and reaching out for help when needed, you transform grief into growth. You don't have to carry this weight forever.