She hadn't expected the supermarket to break her.

But there it was. An entire aisle of heart-shaped chocolates, red roses, and cards promising forever. Three months after her divorce was finalised, Valentine's Day arrived like a wound reopening.

If you're dreading February 14th, you're not alone.

For some, Valentine's Day is romantic gestures and shared rituals. For others, it is a painful reminder of love lost. A day that amplifies absence rather than connection.

Whether through breakup, divorce, estrangement, or death, the grief that follows the loss of a romantic relationship is real. And it is often overlooked.

The loss nobody acknowledges

When we think of grief, we usually think of death. But grief shows up anytime something meaningful ends.

Losing a partner is not just about losing a person.

It is losing:

• Daily routines and shared rituals

• Mutual friends who no longer know where they fit

• The home you built together, even if you still live in it

• The identity you carried as part of a "we"

• The future you had already imagined and planned for

That is a lot to hold. Especially when the world expects you to move on quickly.

Many people don't realise this until much later. Functioning isn't the same as healing.

You can keep showing up. Doing your job. Being social. Holding everything together. And still be carrying grief that shapes how you think, lead, and relate.

Why relationship grief hits differently

Relationship loss comes with complexities other forms of grief often do not.

There is rarely closure. Unlike death, breakups and divorces leave loose ends. You may still see their name on your phone. Hear updates through mutual friends. Wonder if you made the right decision.

Society minimises it. "At least you're free now." "Plenty more fish in the sea." These phrases are often well intentioned, but they ask you to shrink your pain to make others comfortable.

You grieve in public. There are explanations to give. Questions to answer. Expectations to perform "okay" when you are anything but.

Your identity is entangled in it. When you have been part of a couple for years, losing them means losing a version of yourself too. Discovering who you are now takes time.

None of this means you are weak. It means you loved deeply.

Navigating Valentine's Day with compassion

Valentine's Day is not something to power through.

The goal is not to eliminate grief by February 14th. The goal is to move through the day with kindness toward yourself.

Here's what that might look like:

Set boundaries without apology. Decline invitations that feel like too much. Protect your energy without explaining yourself. You don't owe anyone a performance of being fine when you're not.

Curate your environment. Take a break from social media. Mute accounts that trigger comparison or pain. Choose rest over exposure. Your wellbeing matters more than staying connected to content that hurts.

Don't leave the day empty. Plan something intentional. A walk somewhere that brings you peace. A meal you genuinely enjoy. Time with someone who understands. Fill the space with care, not distraction.

Ask for what you need. Company or solitude. Conversation or silence. This is not the day to pretend you are fine if you are not. People often want to help but don't know how. Give them clarity.

Let yourself feel what is present. Grief does not follow a schedule. Healing is not linear. If tears come, let them. If anger surfaces, acknowledge it. If you feel nothing at all, that is valid too.

The goal is not perfection. It is presence with yourself.

If you're supporting someone through relationship grief

What helps most is not advice. It is acknowledgement.

Say simple, honest words. "I'm sorry. This is really hard." Don't minimise with "you're better off" or "you'll find someone else."

Show up without trying to fix. You don't need solutions. You need presence. Sit with them. Listen. Let silence be okay.

Check in after the first few weeks. Grief gets lonelier as time passes and everyone else moves on. A text at the one-month mark, the three-month mark, the anniversary, means more than you know.

Resist comparing their experience to your own. Their grief is theirs. Even if you've been through something similar, resist the urge to say "I know exactly how you feel."

Let them set the pace. Some days they'll want to talk about it. Other days they won't. Follow their lead, not your comfort level.

Presence matters more than perfect words.

The path forward

Love does not disappear because a relationship ends. It changes shape.

And sometimes the most important relationship to tend to is the one you have with yourself.

If you recognise yourself in this, know this: you are not broken. You are not behind. And you are not weak for still hurting.

You are human.

No matter where you find yourself on your journey of healing, please know that you are worthy of love. Not just from others, but from the most important person of all: yourself.

On this day dedicated to love, let us honour all love stories. Not just the ones with happy endings, but the ones that have shaped us, challenged us, and ultimately, helped us grow.

To all those navigating the challenges of relationship loss: you are seen, you are supported, and you are incredibly brave.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep holding onto hope. Keep believing that the best is yet to come.

Because it is.

What to do next

If you're functioning but not healing, this is your next step.

The Grief Assessment Quiz offers a private, thoughtful way to understand how unresolved loss may be affecting your life and work, often beneath the surface.

It takes 8 to 10 minutes and provides personalised insight into what your grief may need now.

You deserve support that meets you where you are.