Loss is something we all face in life. Whether it’s the death of someone close, the end of a relationship, losing a job, or even a change in identity or confidence—it can leave you feeling stuck, heavy, and emotionally drained.

But there’s one powerful self-care practice that can gently help you move forward: forgiveness.

As a Grief Specialist, I’ve seen the difference forgiveness can make. I’ve also seen how holding onto pain and anger can keep people trapped in grief. In this post, we’ll explore what forgiveness really means, what it doesn’t mean, and how it can support your healing journey after loss.

Understanding Loss and Grief

Grief doesn’t just come from bereavement. In fact, there are over 40 different life events that can lead to feelings of grief—like retirement, illness, estrangement, or financial loss.

When grief is unresolved, it can affect every part of you—mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. And contrary to popular belief, grief doesn’t simply fade with time. It can build up, especially when the pain isn’t addressed.

That’s why it’s so important to find healthy ways to release emotional pain—and forgiveness is one of them.

What Forgiveness Really Is

Forgiveness is the conscious choice to let go of resentment, bitterness, and the need for revenge towards someone who’s hurt you.

Let’s be clear:

Forgiveness is not:

• Condoning harmful behaviour

• Pretending you weren’t hurt

• Letting someone “off the hook”

Forgiveness is:

• Releasing yourself from the burden of anger

• Choosing peace over pain

• Taking back control of your emotional wellbeing

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.”

That’s why forgiveness is for you, not for them.

Why Forgiveness Matters: Mental and Emotional Benefits

Forgiveness can be a real turning point in your healing process. Research shows that practising forgiveness can lead to:

Better Mental Health

• Reduced stress, anxiety, and depression

• Increased positive emotions like empathy and joy

• A greater sense of inner peace and emotional clarity

Improved Relationships

• Restored trust in yourself and others

• Greater compassion, patience, and understanding

• Stronger, healthier connections

Physical Health Benefits

• Lower blood pressure

• Improved immune function

• Reduced risk of heart-related conditions

The Emotional Healing Power of Forgiveness

Beyond the science, forgiveness is deeply healing on an emotional level. Here’s how it can support your recovery after loss:

• Letting go of resentment: Carrying bitterness can be emotionally exhausting. Forgiveness lightens your emotional load.

• Finding closure: It helps you close painful chapters so you can focus on the present and future.

• Regaining control: Forgiveness shifts your focus from what was done to you to what you can do for yourself now.

• Rebuilding self-trust: Especially after betrayal or regret, forgiveness can help you reconnect with your self-worth.

• Embracing compassion: It allows you to show kindness and understanding—towards yourself and others.

A Gentle Guide to Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t always easy. It takes time, reflection, and often support. But it is possible, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

Here are some gentle steps to help you begin:

1. Acknowledge Your Pain

Give yourself permission to feel. Suppressing your emotions only prolongs the hurt.

2. Gain Perspective

Try to understand what might have led the person to act the way they did. This doesn’t excuse them—it simply helps you release some of the power their actions hold over you.

3. Choose to Forgive

It may take more than one try, and that’s okay. Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. You may need support to reach this stage—and that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

4. Write a Forgiveness Letter

Use your journal to write an honest, heartfelt letter to the person who hurt you. Don’t send it—this is for your healing, not theirs.

5. Seek Support

Speak to a grief specialist or trusted therapist. Forgiveness doesn’t have to be done alone.

6. Engage in Healing Practices

Take quiet walks, reflect through journaling, meditate, pray, or spend time in nature—whatever helps you connect back to yourself.

7. Be Patient With Yourself

Everyone’s journey is different. Allow your emotions to evolve in their own time. Forgiveness is not linear—it’s a process.

Don’t Forget: Self-Forgiveness Matters Too

We often find it easier to forgive others than to forgive ourselves. But self-forgiveness is just as vital for healing.

Here’s how to begin:

• Acknowledge your mistakes: Take ownership without self-judgement.

• Understand the difference between true guilt and false guilt: You may feel guilty even when you’ve done nothing wrong. Clarifying this can be freeing.

• Learn and grow: Mistakes don’t define you—they teach you.

• Let go of shame: You are not your past.

• Practise self-compassion: Be as kind to yourself as you would to a friend in the same situation.

Moving Forward With Forgiveness

Loss is part of life, but it doesn’t have to dictate your future. Forgiveness is a powerful act of self-care. It’s how you begin to release the pain, rediscover peace, and create a new path towards emotional resilience.

If you’re struggling to move forward or wondering how to begin your healing journey, I invite you to take the next step:

👉 Download my FREE guide – 10 Common Mistakes People Make When Supporting Someone Dealing With Loss

👉 Read my article and take the Self-Assessment Quiz – Is Unresolved Grief Holding You Back?

👉 Book a free discovery call with me to explore how I can support you. Click here.

You don’t have to carry the weight alone. Support is here. Healing is possible.