Have you ever noticed how grief and silence often walk hand in hand?

When someone we love dies by suicide, words suddenly feel so heavy and yet so many remain unspoken.

I know this, not only from my work as a Grief Specialist, but from my own story. It's a story I share because sometimes, knowing you're not alone in the darkness can be the first step towards finding light again.

My Personal Journey with Suicide Loss

Years ago, I lost my youngest sister to suicide. She was a beautiful young woman, only 21. Sadly, we had lost our mum when she was around 5 and I was around 13. Then came the sudden loss of our brother. We all struggled to cope, but she appeared to be coping the best of all. Then she had a delayed grief reaction which led to a mental health crisis and ultimately to suicide.

At the time, I was struggling terribly with the losses of my mother and brother. I learned the hard way that unresolved grief is not only painful, it is cumulative and it doesn't just go away with time. I wasn't coping well at work and decided to resign from my job and take time out to make sense of all that had happened. The reality of my own mortality and the resulting fear of death and dying had hit me hard. I handed in my notice, raised funds for my trip and was about to go to India to stay at an ashram.

When my sister had her breakdown, I was very torn about whether to cancel my trip or take her with me.

After she came through her mental health crisis, she seemed much better. She insisted that I carry on with my trip and that I really needed it to process my own grief. Sadly, whilst I was away, she had a relapse.

I headed back thinking that at least she was in a safe place. Now that I was feeling much stronger, I would be able to support her. But before I landed, she walked out of the facility she was in and made another attempt at suicide. This time, she succeeded.

It was a heartbreak that shook my world in ways I didn't think I could recover from. What followed was a mix of sadness, guilt, unanswered questions, and an aching sense of "if only…" and "what if…"

My youngest brother was the last to see her. He was told that this was the best place for her to be at the moment, to get the help that she needed. He shouldn't listen to her asking him to take her home. He ignored her pleadings and left her there, and later was overwhelmed by "if only I had taken her home". How this unresolved grief has impacted his life needs a separate blog post.

Learning to Navigate Grief and Loss

We knew so little about how to handle grief and how to avoid getting stuck for years. I wish I had known then what I know now. This is why I trained as a Grief Specialist. I wanted to help others be better equipped in how to move forward after loss and thrive again personally and professionally, without being stuck for years in pain or therapy.

Grief is not only painful, it is cumulative and it doesn't just go away with time. Unresolved grief will sit patiently, weighing you down, draining your energy and limiting your capacity for happiness until you pay attention and resolve it.

Loss through suicide often leads to what we call complicated unresolved grief. If you have been impacted by it, my heart goes out to you. Please reach out and get support sooner rather than later.

September is Suicide Prevention Month, and for many of us, it's not just a calendar event, it's deeply personal.

Understanding the Reality: Suicide Statistics That Matter

Behind every statistic is a human story. In the UK, suicide remains one of the leading causes of death, with approximately 5,000 people dying by suicide each year. That's roughly 14 people every day. But perhaps more significantly, each suicide impacts an estimated 6-10 people directly – family members, friends, colleagues, and community members.

These aren't just numbers. They represent parents, partners, children, friends, and colleagues. They represent people like my sister, and families like mine, forever changed by loss.

What these statistics don't capture is the ripple effect of grief that follows. The complicated emotions, the unanswered questions, and the long journey towards healing that survivors must navigate.

Why Suicide Prevention Month Matters

Suicide touches far more lives than we often realise. Behind every statistic is a person: a parent, a partner, a friend, a colleague. And behind them are the people who loved them.

Caring professionals, entrepreneurs, and business owners are especially at risk of carrying silent burdens. You may be the one others turn to for support, whilst quietly feeling overwhelmed yourself. The pressure to "hold it all together" can be crushing. When grief or stress is unresolved, it can quietly chip away at resilience.

Research shows that people in high-responsibility roles often struggle to seek help. They worry about appearing vulnerable or incapable.

Yet this very isolation can make them more susceptible to mental health struggles and, sadly, sometimes suicidal thoughts.

Recognising the Warning Signs

One of the most important things we can do is learn to recognise when someone might be struggling. Often, people contemplating suicide do give signs, though they may be subtle.

Emotional Warning Signs

• Persistent sadness or mood swings

• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness

• Increased anxiety or agitation

• Sudden calmness after a period of depression

• Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed

Behavioural Changes

• Withdrawing from family and friends

• Changes in sleeping or eating patterns

• Increased use of alcohol or drugs

• Giving away possessions

• Talking or writing about death or suicide

Physical Symptoms

• Unexplained aches and pains

• Significant weight loss or gain

• Neglecting personal hygiene

• Chronic fatigue

What They Might Say

• "I can't go on like this"

• "Everyone would be better off without me"

• "I just want the pain to stop"

• "I feel so trapped"

• "Nothing I do matters"

If you notice these signs in someone you care about, trust your instincts. It's better to ask directly about suicide than to ignore the warning signs. Contrary to popular belief, talking about suicide doesn't increase the risk—it often reduces it by letting the person know they're not alone.

Understanding Complicated Grief: When Loss Becomes Overwhelming

Not all grief follows the same path. When someone dies by suicide, survivors often experience what mental health professionals call "complicated grief" or "prolonged grief disorder."

What Makes Grief Complicated?

Normal grief, whilst painful, gradually becomes more manageable over time. You learn to carry your love for the person whilst rebuilding your life.

Complicated grief is different. It's when the natural healing process gets stuck. The intense pain doesn't lessen with time. You find yourself unable to move forward in healthy ways.

Signs of Complicated Grief

• Intense grief that doesn't improve after six months

• Persistent yearning and longing

• Difficulty accepting the death

• Extreme avoidance of reminders

• Loss of meaning and purpose in life

• Inability to engage in normal activities

• Persistent anger or guilt

• Feeling that life isn't worth living

Why Suicide Loss Often Leads to Complicated Grief

Suicide loss carries unique challenges that can complicate the grieving process:

• Trauma: The sudden, violent nature of suicide can be traumatic

• Stigma: Society's attitudes towards suicide can leave survivors feeling isolated

• Guilt: The "what if" questions can become overwhelming

• Anger: Feeling abandoned or angry at the deceased is common but difficult

• Shame: Survivors may feel ashamed about the manner of death

• Unanswered Questions: The lack of clear reasons can be torturous

Understanding these challenges doesn't minimise the pain, but it can help normalise the experience and guide you towards appropriate support.

Mental Health in the Workplace: Breaking the Silence

As professionals, we often compartmentalise our personal struggles. We show up, perform our roles, and save our breakdowns for behind closed doors. But unresolved grief and mental health struggles don't respect professional boundaries.

The Hidden Cost of Unaddressed Grief

When grief goes unprocessed, it affects every area of life:

• Decision-making becomes clouded by emotional overwhelm

• Energy levels drop, affecting productivity and creativity

• Relationships suffer as we withdraw or become irritable

• Physical health deteriorates under chronic stress

• Professional performance declines, despite our best efforts

Creating Psychologically Safe Workplaces

If you're a leader or entrepreneur, consider how you can create space for mental health conversations:

• Normalise taking mental health days

• Provide access to employee assistance programmes

• Train managers to recognise signs of distress

• Share resources openly

• Model vulnerability by talking about your own struggles

When You're the One Struggling

If you're reading this whilst dealing with your own grief or mental health challenges:

• Permission to not be okay: You don't have to perform and pretend strength you don't feel

• Professional help is normal: Therapy isn't failure; it's maintenance

• Medication isn't weakness: If your doctor recommends it, consider it seriously

• Time off is necessary: Grief requires energy that work demands can drain

What Helps Us Hold On During Dark Times

I won't pretend there's a single answer, because there isn't. But what I've seen, both personally and professionally, is that healing begins with small, consistent steps.

Professional Grief Support

Working with a trained Grief Specialist or therapist can provide:

• A safe space to express difficult emotions

• Tools for managing overwhelming feelings

• Help processing guilt and anger

• Guidance through the stages of grief recovery

• Support in rebuilding meaning and purpose

Practical Coping Strategies

Immediate Coping (for overwhelming moments)

• Breathing exercises: 4-7-8 breathing can calm your nervous system

• Grounding techniques: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear

• Movement: Even a short walk can shift your mental state

• Reach out: Text or call someone you trust

Daily Management

• Routine: Maintain basic structure even when everything feels chaotic

• Small goals: Set achievable daily tasks to maintain a sense of purpose

• Self-compassion: Treat yourself with the kindness you'd show a friend

• Boundaries: It's okay to say no to social obligations whilst you heal

Long-term Healing

• Meaning-making: Find ways to honour your loved one's memory

• Connection: Join support groups or online communities

• Professional growth: Consider how your experience might help others

• Physical health: Grief affects the body; prioritise sleep, nutrition, and movement

The Journey Through Grief

Grief doesn't follow a neat timeline, and is unique to each individual. The 5 stages of grief is an unhelpful model because it was based on Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's research on the dying and not those who are grieving. However, understanding common patterns can be helpful:

Initial Shock and Denial (Days to weeks)

The mind protects itself by making the loss feel unreal. This is normal and necessary.

Acute Grief (Weeks to months)

Intense emotions, physical symptoms, and difficulty functioning are common. This is the hardest phase. If there is unresolved grief, people can get stuck here for years.

According to the Grief Recovery Institute, there are three main causes of unresolved grief:

When you wish things had been different, better or more of something. In my case, I wish I had come back sooner, been in more contact while I was away, made more phone calls and written more letters.

When there is a loss of hopes, dreams and expectations. These have now come to an end because she is no longer there.

When there is undelivered communication of a significant emotional nature. It never occurred to me that it was the last time I would see her. I didn't get to tell her how amazing she was, or apologise for not having been around to provide more support.

Integration (Months to years)

Gradually, the intense pain becomes more manageable. You learn to carry your love differently. If unresolved grief is involved, this may be difficult and you can stay stuck here for years as I was. Seeing a Grief Specialist may be necessary to teach you the knowledge, tools and processes you need to move forward and thrive again.

Reconstruction (Ongoing)

You rebuild your life with the loss as part of your story. The pain lessens, but the love remains. Once the unresolved issues are dealt with, you can focus on creating a legacy in memory of your loved one and gather and treasure all your precious memories.

Remember: grief isn't linear, it is unique to each person and the circumstances they face, how resilient they are, how things ended and if there are unresolved issues and emotions. You might cycle through these stages multiple times, and that's completely normal.

If You've Lost Someone to Suicide

Please know you are not alone, even if it feels like no one else can understand. Your grief is valid, and healing doesn't mean forgetting. It means finding a way to live fully whilst carrying your love for the one you lost.

The pain of suicide loss can feel overwhelming. The questions, the guilt, the "what ifs" – they're all part of the journey. But with expert grief support and mental health resources, it is possible to find hope again. I am a living testimony to that.

Your Feelings Are Valid

Whatever you're feeling right now is okay:

• Anger at the person who died

• Guilt about things you said or didn't say; things you did and didn't do

• Relief if they had been suffering

• Confusion about how to move forward

• Fear that you might do the same

That doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human.

Honouring Their Memory

Finding meaningful ways to remember your loved one can be part of healing:

• Create a memory box or photo album

• Plant a tree or garden in their honour

• Donate to mental health charities

• Share their story (when you're ready)

• Continue their unfinished projects

Building Resilience: Moving Forward with Purpose

Recovery from grief doesn't mean "getting over it." It means learning to live meaningfully alongside your loss.

Rediscovering Your Strength

The journey through grief often reveals resilience you didn't know you had. Many people find that, whilst they wouldn't choose their loss, it deepened their compassion, clarified their values, and connected them more authentically with others.

Finding Professional Purpose Through Personal Pain

My own journey led me to become a Grief Specialist. Your experience, once processed and integrated, might guide you towards helping others in ways you never imagined. This doesn't minimise your pain, it transforms it into something meaningful.

Creating Support Networks

Building connections with others who understand can be transformative:

• Join local or online support groups

• Connect with others who've experienced similar losses

• Consider peer support training

• Share your story when you're ready

Moving Forward Together: Finding Hope After Loss

This month is a reminder that every life matters, including yours.

If you're wondering whether grief might still be shaping your choices, holding back your energy, or quietly draining your resilience, I'd love to guide you further.

Here's a question for you: What's one small thing you can do today to check in with yourself, not just as a professional, but as a human being who also needs care?

👉 Read my article: Is Unresolved Grief Holding You Back?

👉 Take my free quiz: How Well Are You Handling Your Grief?

Click here to read article and take quiz

Both are gentle ways to start reflecting and they might just be the first step towards rediscovering your strength.

Together, we can make sure silence doesn't have the final word.

A Final Thought

Grief, especially grief from suicide loss, can feel like a life sentence. But it doesn't have to be.

With proper support, professional guidance, and time, it's possible to build a life that honours both your loss and your future. Your loved one's death doesn't have to define your life, but your response to it can inspire others and create meaning from the deepest pain.

You are stronger than you know. You are not alone. And there is hope, even in the darkest moments.

Crisis Support Resources

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out for help immediately. You are not alone, and support is available.

Immediate Help (Emergency)

• Emergency Services: 999 (UK) | 911 (US) | 000 (Australia)

• If you're in immediate danger, call emergency services straight away

Crisis Helplines & Support

United Kingdom:

• Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)

• Crisis Text Line: Text SHOUT to 85258

• Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393

United States:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988 (24/7)

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741

International:

• International Association for Suicide Prevention: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/

Online Support Resources

• Mind (UK): www.mind.org.uk

• Mental Health Foundation: www.mentalhealth.org.uk

• Rethink Mental Illness: www.rethink.org

• National Suicide Prevention Foundation: www.nspf.org.uk

For Those Affected by Suicide Loss

• Support After Suicide Partnership: www.supportaftersuicide.org.uk

• Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS): www.uksobs.org

• Help is at Hand: A guide for people bereaved by suicide

Remember: Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. These resources are staffed by trained professionals who understand what you're going through.