The Challenge: When Grief Goes Underground

When Ravi's mother died in March, something unexpected happened at the funeral. He didn't cry. Not because he didn't love her deeply, but because he felt completely numb.

"I was stuck in my head," Ravi explains. "People said how organised I was - sorting out undertakers, caterers, everything. But it felt like I was running on autopilot, like I was tuned to a different channel."

This autopilot mode carried on for six weeks after the funeral. As a cybersecurity contractor, Ravi had just finished a contract and could easily have found another one. "There were loads of opportunities and recruiters ringing," he remembers. "But I just shut the world out."

Instead of moving forward, Ravi found himself spending hours sitting in the gym's steam room, sauna, and jacuzzi, hoping that relaxation would somehow fix what he was feeling - or rather, what he wasn't feeling.

The Turning Point: A Brochure That Changed Everything

The breakthrough came through his wife, who was a guest on a podcast where I was also appearing. She'd asked for a brochure about my work as a Grief Specialist for her father-in-law. At first, Ravi tried passing it on to his father, but when his dad didn't seem interested in it, Ravi studied it himself.

"It just clicked," he says. "What really drew me in was that you called it a course, not counselling. Counselling can go on forever, but I wanted something structured, with a clear timeframe."

This distinction mattered hugely to Ravi. He'd seen people going for counselling for years without getting the results they wanted. "You called yourself a coach, and I really respect coaching because it's about helping people to better themselves."

It was whilst sitting in the jacuzzi, still trying to make sense of his mother's death, that Ravi made his choice. "Sometimes you just have to take the leap."

The Process: Structure, Tools, and Real Work

Over 12 weeks, Ravi worked through a complete grief handling programme that gave him the structure he needed. The process wasn't about quick fixes - it was about understanding grief and developing tools for life.

What Ravi Learned:

The Foundation: Understanding what grief actually is and what it isn't, plus the main reasons behind unresolved grief that keep people stuck.

Spotting the Problem: Ravi discovered the common sayings and wrong ideas about grief that sound reasonable but can trap you in your grief journey for years.

Mapping the Healing Journey: Through life losses and relationship review timelines, Ravi could pinpoint exactly what he needed to work through. "Mapping out the life losses timeline and plotting all those emotional points was incredibly helpful," he explains.

Finding His Voice: Using resolution templates and structures, Ravi learnt to prepare resolution letters - giving words to what was left unsaid between him and his mother.

Ongoing Tools: He also learnt how to use follow-up resolution letters for dealing with any forgotten or new incidents, ensuring ongoing emotional health.

The weekly reading, homework, and exercises kept him on track. "Books like that often sit on my shelf, unread," Ravi admits. "What helped was having you take me through the course step-by-step."

The Transformation: From Stuck to Soaring

By the third or fourth session, the changes were already showing. Ravi had cleared out his space, started reaching out to clients again, and received several brilliant job offers - including the highest-paying one of his career.

But the transformation went beyond work. "I also passed two of the hardest cybersecurity exams in the world - CCSK and ISAP. I'd been stuck on those for ages," he shares.

The link between grief and performance became clear. "Grief really does affect your ability to focus and make decisions," Ravi reflects. "But now, I'm back on track and doing better than ever."

The Mindset Shift: From Doubtful to Empowered

When first told that this process could change his life in 12 weeks, Ravi was honestly doubtful. "I didn't believe it, but I thought I'd give it a go anyway. I wasn't sure you could really 'train' the mind to process grief."

What convinced him wasn't big promises, but practical need. "I also had financial responsibilities and couldn't afford to be stuck forever."

The investment proved worthwhile. "The cost felt small compared to the time and attention you gave," he explains. More importantly, he walked away with tools for life.

The Difference: Coaching vs Counselling

For Ravi, the coaching approach made all the difference. "I wasn't interested in counselling. I know people who've been in counselling for years. I had more faith in this process."

The distinction matters. While counselling often needs ongoing support sessions, this handling grief method gives people tools they can use on their own. "With this, you walk away feeling empowered," Ravi notes.

Advice for Others: Just Take the Leap

When asked what he'd tell someone struggling with grief and thinking about this work, Ravi's response is simple but powerful:

"Just do it. I know that sounds simple, but that's really it. I've been in that place. If you're thinking about it, give it a go. Have a call. There's nothing to lose."

His reasoning is practical: "This course doesn't take anything away from you - it only adds. You learn things that stay with you for life. So why not?"

Ravi recommended me to his brother and sister who were also deeply affected by their mother's death. His sister, particularly, struggled to believe that she could ever come to terms with their mum's death, but decided to give it a try on Ravi's recommendation. She was completely surprised at how quickly she started to feel the benefits, and then went on to recommend me to her other brother. Perhaps, one day, I'll get to work with their father too!

The Lasting Impact

Ravi's story shows that unresolved grief doesn't have to limit your capacity for happiness. You don't have to be stuck with the pain of your loss forever. With the right practical, structured approach and professional support, it's possible to move forward - not by forgetting, but by understanding and processing what happened and having the conversations that had been left unfinished, leading to feelings of regret and guilt.

"What followed was 12 weeks of real work: honest reflection, emotional release, and learning the knowledge, tools and processes," Ravi explains. He processed pain, reconnected with joy, got his energy back and moved from being overwhelmed by grief to feeling gratitude.

Before, whenever he thought of his mum, he thought of all the things he could have done differently, better or more of. Now, when he thinks of his mother, he can focus on and remember all the wonderful moments of love, kindness and wisdom that she shared.

Today, Ravi isn't just back to where he was before his mother's death - he's performing at levels he never reached before, both professionally and personally.

His transformation reminds us that unresolved grief, when properly handled, doesn't just heal - it can become a source of strength and growth.

Watch Ravi's testimonial interview:

If you're ready to take that step towards healing and growth, start by reading my article 'Is Unresolved Grief Holding You Back' and taking our free self-assessment quiz 'How Well Are You Handling Your Grief'. The quiz takes 10-15 minutes and will give you a rating of low, moderate or high concerns and suggestions for next steps.

Not keen on quizzes? You can message me to book a call.

You don't have to go through this journey alone.