Life doesn’t always go to plan. Loss, change and challenges are part of our everyday experience—whether it’s the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship, financial pressures, health worries, or work-related stress. How we respond to these tough times depends a lot on our emotional resilience—our ability to adapt, recover, and keep going.

When we’re hurting, it’s easy to fall into a cycle of blame:

“Why did this happen to me?”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Whose fault is this?”

“Why didn’t I…?”

These questions can keep us stuck. But there’s another way. A more helpful approach is to shift our focus from blame to outcomes—to recognise that while we can’t change what’s happened, we can choose how we respond.

And that’s where goal setting comes in. Setting small, achievable goals gives us something to focus on, helping us move forward—one step at a time.

Why Setting Goals Supports Emotional Resilience

When you're going through grief or facing a tough situation, setting goals might feel like the last thing on your mind. But it can actually be one of the most helpful things you do.

Here’s why:

1. It Gives You Purpose and Direction

During difficult times, it’s easy to feel lost or overwhelmed. The future may feel uncertain, and even simple decisions can seem daunting.

Setting clear, meaningful goals helps:

• Create a sense of purpose

• Provide direction when everything else feels out of control

• Offer hope, even in small doses

A goal doesn’t have to be big. It just needs to be something that matters to you.

2. It Brings Clarity in Chaos

When life feels messy, goals help bring order. They allow you to focus your energy on what you can control.

For example:

• Struggling with money? Set a goal to track your spending or reduce expenses by £50 a week.

• Feeling overwhelmed? Set a 10-minute daily routine for mindfulness or journaling.

Small steps can break down big problems into something more manageable.

3. It Boosts Motivation

Unresolved grief or emotional exhaustion can leave us feeling drained. Having a goal—even a small one—gives you something to work towards.

• It helps you get out of bed with a sense of purpose

• It reminds you that there’s still something worth reaching for

• It helps rebuild confidence and optimism

Research shows that people who set specific goals are more likely to stay positive and push through setbacks.

4. It Creates a Sense of Progress

When everything feels like it’s falling apart, even small wins can feel like a lifeline.

Celebrate the Small Stuff

• Tick off one task from your to-do list

• Make that difficult phone call

• Take a walk instead of staying in bed

Each small win tells your brain: I’m making progress. I can do this.

Celebrating these moments, no matter how small, boosts dopamine—the feel-good chemical in your brain—and reinforces your motivation to keep going.

5. It Builds a Growth Mindset

A growth mindset is the belief that you can learn, grow and adapt—especially through effort and persistence.

Goals help you:

• Face challenges head-on

• Learn from failure without beating yourself up

• Focus on what’s possible rather than what’s gone wrong

Setbacks are part of the process—not the end of the story.

6. It Helps You Manage Your Emotions

Setting goals helps regulate your emotions by giving you a sense of control and focus.

How?

• Reduces anxiety: Goals break uncertainty into manageable tasks

• Boosts mood: Achieving something, no matter how small, can lift your spirits

• Builds confidence: You’re reminded that you’re capable of making change happen

7. It Strengthens Social Connections

We’re not meant to go through tough times alone. Goals can help you reconnect with others and build a support network.

Here’s how:

• Shared goals: Join a walking group or study circle with friends or colleagues

• Accountability partners: Check in with someone who’ll cheer you on and keep you motivated

• Community support: Share your journey with others going through something similar

These connections remind you that you’re not alone—and that others care about your progress.

Practical Steps for Setting Goals That Stick

Knowing that goals help is one thing. But how do you set them in a way that actually works?

1. Start with What Matters Most

• What feels urgent or most important right now?

• Where do you most need relief or progress?

You don’t need to tackle everything at once. Choose one area to focus on.

2. Use the S.M.A.R.T. Framework

Make your goals:

• Specific – What exactly do you want to do?

• Measurable – How will you know you’ve done it?

• Achievable – Is it realistic for your situation?

• Relevant – Does it matter to you right now?

• Time-bound – When will you do it by?

Example:

Instead of “Get healthier,” try “Walk for 20 minutes every weekday for the next two weeks.”

3. Focus on What You Can Control

Shift from results-based goals to action-based goals.

For example:

✘ “Lose 1kg in two weeks”

✔ “Eat five portions of vegetables and go for a 30-minute walk each day”

You can’t control the number on the scale—but you can control your choices.

4. Track Your Progress and Be Flexible

Keep a journal, checklist or app to track how things are going. It’s okay to adjust your goals as your needs or circumstances change.

Progress isn’t always linear—and that’s perfectly normal.

5. Seek Support

Whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, coach or grief specialist, having someone walk with you can make a big difference.

• Share your goals and updates

• Celebrate your wins together

• Talk through challenges without judgement

6. Celebrate Your Progress

Every small step forward deserves recognition. It keeps you motivated and helps you stay connected to hope.

• Treat yourself to something you enjoy

• Share your progress with someone you trust

• Acknowledge how far you’ve come—even if you’re not where you want to be yet

Final Thoughts

Grief, loss and life’s challenges can feel all-consuming. But setting thoughtful, manageable goals is one of the most powerful ways to take back a sense of control and rebuild emotional resilience.

Goals help you:

• Focus on what you can do

• Regain your sense of purpose

• Make space for growth, even in tough times

You don’t have to do this alone. Support is available.

Ready to take the next step?

If you’re not sure how well you’re coping with grief or emotional challenges, start with my free quiz:

👉 Read the article "Is Unresolved Grief Holding You Back?" and take the free self-assessment quiz

It only takes a few minutes and can give you clarity on where you are—and what support might help.

Or, if you’re ready to talk:

👉 Book a Free Discovery Call

I’d love to hear your story and see how I can help.

You can build resilience. You can move forward. And you don’t have to do it on your own.